17 Weeks !!

 17 weeks... So much for resolutions.

Still, I'm back for another go. 

October last year was a bad month. Things came to a head between Dad and I and a lot of long-repressed bad feelings were finally expressed. After some painful truths were divulged and family attitudes confirmed to me, I began to prepare myself for the worst. I was utterly gobsmacked when my pleas were answered and Dad and I came to understand one another fully.  For about a week after that, I would just spontaneously start crying once or twice a day - so much stress and burden for so long suddenly lifted, I suppose. 
Our relationship previously was never very close. He had always been, to me, a figure of authority and a giver of punishment. I was always slightly unsure and cautious around him, however casual and relaxed the situation. 
Almost overnight, I feel our relationship has become what it always should have been between a father and son. I've never felt so close to him - nor so comfortable to just be who we are and enjoy each other's company. 
I feel I've got the Dad I was so jealous of everyone else for having.
 
In November, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It's primarily stomach but with secondaries in the liver. Inoperable, we've been told. He was told he had about 5-6 months. It's nearly May now and so far, despite vast weight loss, dad is soldiering on. The chemo knocks him flat for a few days but he told me he feels as well as ever apart from needing to rest more often. 

He has since been his usual practical self; winding the clinic down and getting the bungalow sorted out for mum. I've visited as often as life and finances allow but how can I not feel cheated after the momentous breakthrough we had last year? Surreal as the whole thing is, I find no little comfort and relief in the thought that, after so many years, we have built bridges I never thought were possible and that should be enough - shouldn't it?