And so I try once more to consistently keep a journal. It's not that my life is a rollercoaster ride of adventure and peril but I have an urge to record my thoughts and assist my lousy memory.
I'm hoping, too, that this project may instill in me the discipline to write regularly, consistently and honestly.
Nature and Nurture
Like every other person, I am a product of my experiences and have learned to interract with the world from the way the world has reacted to my presence.
I have my prejudices and I am often prideful and stubborn. I often spout opinions in extreme terms - just to get a reaction and/or attention, I guess.
A true cancerian, most new people in my life only get to talk to a camouflaged shell until I trust them enough to give them a glimpse of the inside.
On the positive side, I am considerate and possessed of well-honed interpersonal skills. I am 'reciprocally' loyal. I am fiercely protective of my loved ones. I 'feel deep' but 'show shallow' - a trick I learned from the experiences of my younger years.
I have done some pretty awful things in my life and I am certainly no saint today.
I distrust organised religions and am naturally distainful of the major ones.
I have had M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) for over 2 years. Each day requires thoughtful planning and pacing to get through. As a keen roleplaying gamer (Yep, 'geek' if you like... whatever), I think of it as getting a random roll of energy points each day to eke out carefully between the tasks that need doing. If I run out, I run out; if I overspend, it comes off the next days allowance. It's a simple analogy - not entirely accurate, but close enough.
Another random roll determines which bonus symptom or symptoms I will have to contend with that day, eg: leg pains, spontaneous 'dead leg', fever, nausea, dizzyness, restless leg to name the most common.
Other than that, life is overall good right now. I have a wonderful, loyal and understanding wife, the greatest kids in the world, and a select band of good friends.
Top of the friends list comes Bin. We've tolerated each other for over 20 years now and, from our first meeting, there has always been an undefined connection and understanding. However, any more on the subject will have to wait until my best man speech when he finally gets his partner to propose... (Bin: tick, tock, tick, tock...)
I have 3 brothers - two older, one younger and, happily for us all, both my parents. Reluctance to start a family feud prevents me from going into a detailed description of how functional my family is.