wsdante

Fairly 'urgent' call from Bro #1 last Friday had me seeking car hire and organising my absence with Candia then heading up north to see dad on the Sunday.

I got there about 15.30hrs to be greeted by Bro #1 who suggested I 'brace myself'. Not to put too fine a point on it, dad was visibly - and audibly - in his last hours. I held his limp hand for a while and tried to see recognisable features in the gaunt face before me. It was difficult, but I managed. I then kissed his brow and went to join the others.

I had hugs with mum and got up to speed with the list of things that needed doing/organising for mum then said farewell to #1 (who needed to catch his flight back to Deutschland). As I had just done nearly 6hrs driving, I went for a snooze while Bro #2 attended mum and dad.
Almost immediately - actually 45mins later - #2 woke me with the news that dad had only just passed away.

I went in to dad and sat for some time waiting to feel something. Beneath the numbness, there was something like relief. Relief that this once tough, vibrant, powerful presence in my life no longer had to endure the frustration at the increasing impotence brought about by the condition that slowly claimed him cell by cell.

As I write this, there have still been no tears to speak of. I know I could make myself cry if I wanted to, but I think I want to be sure that I know what I'm crying for before I let them come.

#4 was informed but didn't want to come over, preferring, I guess, to remember dad alive.

The rest of the day consisted of phone calls and doctors and the rest. The regular nurses came over and laid dad out nicely - he even seemed to have a slight, but peaceful smile on his face when they had finished.

Mum was worried that people would think her wierd because she wanted to spend one more night by his side. #2 and I assured her that there was nothing wrong with that at all. The two of them had had barely a handful of nights apart in the 49 years they had been married. If it helped mum adjust, we would support it. Even the nurses agreed.

I picked up a chinese takeaway that evening and mum ate well. After #2 left, I saw mum to bed and went and crashed in the spare room.
I slept v badly. At about 5.30, I gave up and made a start on the spreadsheet #4 had set up to list contact numbers of friends and relatives to be informed.
Mum slept in till 9am. I had to wake her up with a cuppa. I suppose it was the first night in quite a while that she hadn't ben woken to tend to dad.

I got back home on Wednesday. The remaining days up north were spent making myself useful with all the practical and necessary stuff.
There are differences in religious standpoints between #4 and #3 which have 'problem' potential, but so far, preparations for the service and cremation on 6th March are going ok, I think.

I have a 'slot' during the cremation service to say a few words and I think this might challenge my wordsmithing skill. I had a rough draft a few days ago but I poached off it to do the first draft of the obituary.

It might be good to start afresh anyway.

We'll see, I suppose.