M.E. again.

 

I feel the M.E. Goblin is playing the mood-changing game with me recently. The last three days have seen me burdened by vivid, disturbing dreams and a strong feeling of general anxiety.I say generalised as, try as I might, I can't pinpoint any specific cause for it.

Unfortunately, anxiety makes me short-tempered and 'testy' which is unfair on C and the sproglings. Then I get moody at myself because I'm being moody for no good reason.
I'm finding it more than usually difficult to focus on tasks and when I attempt to relax, I'm contending with 'jiggling foot' syndrome.

It's almost as if I'm anticipating or impatient for 'something' to happen and that all the mundane, everyday stuff is side-lining me from being ready when 'it' comes.

All very inconvenient, I call it.

Meta-Journal

 

There is a particular place I sit at my preferred café in town. It's tucked away from general view.

I stir my cappuccino deep and fast, like beating an egg, observing how long it takes for the speckled foam continent to break from its moorings and spin like a bad CGI rendering.

The burden of notebook and pen sit before me, daring me to start writing something. Anything.

I surface read the latest charity shop book purchase as much a displacement activity as it is a discouragement to fellow café acquaintances (I'm a bit of regular) who might be seeking more than a cursory nod of recognition.

Interruptions, when they do come, are parried cordially with the book held open like a talisman and frequently glanced at, (a body language cantrip to ward off trespass while, hopefully, giving minimum offence).

Then, disconnected from the barely-noticed plot of said book, I guiltily pull the notepad towards me and brandish my pen purposefully.

Then I put the pen down and roll another cigarette.

Then I brandish my pen purposefully.

Then I put the pen behind my ear and light the cigarette.

Then I retrieve the pen and, brandishing it purposefully...

I write a load of bollocks like this.

Valhalla Rising

Very compelling.

Tempted to watch with commentary but I don't want my own take on the film contradicted.